Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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