I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
