I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
