You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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