remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like, not good at living.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
