I'm gonna have a badass scar
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
