WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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