You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
