I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
