we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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