please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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