worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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