i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
