...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
