you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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