make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
