Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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