I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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