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It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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