i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
