having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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