would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
