my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
