just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
