How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize