stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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