I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Vodka?
Forever.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
