I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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