During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
