would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
