I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
