he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
