You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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