I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
