Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
