you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
