whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
