you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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