I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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