I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize