this beer tastes like vomit already
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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