I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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