That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
