Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
