Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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