I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
