It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
