I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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