I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
