Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
