Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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