We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
