Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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