Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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