New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
