No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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