I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
