HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
