eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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