my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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