I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
