Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
