Can i not drive my cunt home
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
