I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
