just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
