i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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