Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
