guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
