i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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