wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
