your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
