I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
