i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
