I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
