Michael Bay diarrhea
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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