So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
