why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
