In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
one two three fourrrrnication!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize