Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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