I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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