Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
